Monday, November 17, 2008

I Took A Leap In Summer

I took a leap in Summer
With evening as my cover.
I jumped into a moonlit bed,
And then I had a lover.

I flew into the open arms
Of unknown passion blind.
I explored his body greedily
Impatient for all I'd find.

I surrendered breathless kisses
And sighs into the air.
I opened to piercing flesh on flesh
And lay myself out bare.

I ran to have a living dream,
So failed to hear the call.
I took a leap in Summer,
But I fell in Fall.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Never Enough

Have you ever fucked someone over and over, and it just wasn't enough? Have you ever enjoyed someone's touch so much that it only makes you hunger for it more? Ever try to go about your day and be unable to keep flashes of their body, their breathing, their feel from your mind?

I find myself insatiable when it comes to sex with M. One kiss isn't enough, bout after bout of intercourse just makes me want him inside me again. Imagining the things he's done to me make me relive the sensations I felt when they happened. I get wet and my clit tingles at the most inappropriate times. At work today, while on break, I had to resist the urge to play with myself!

Friday night he was fucking me from behind, my ass raised, legs spread wide to allow as much of him into me as possible. It was hurting so deliciously, it was making me blind with with pleasure. He slowed and I heard a soft rumpling coming from behind, and all of a sudden my pillowcase hooded my head. M pulled it tight across my face and resumed fucking me, but even harder. The roughness, the aggression, the loss of sight, the loss of me was so erotic. It's been running through my mind for days...

M knew that I was excited about the election yesterday, and I had asked him if he'd come over after band practice to watch the returns with me. We hadn't spoken of it since I'd asked, so I'd thought he'd forgotten, but at 7 pm yesterday, when he would've been on his way to practice, he called me and said he wanted to come watch the results. I was overjoyed that he would spend such an important event with me, and I said I'd love for him to come over.

He was a little tired, so he cat napped in my lap while I watched the coverage. He looks so handsome when he sleeps, and I stroked his curls while he dozed. He woke up from time to time, checking on the progress of the polls, and I was getting more and more excited with each state. When the announcement was made I literally jumped for joy, clapping my hands like a child. I kissed M over and over, and I was so happy he was here to share that with me.

I had been extremely horny all day, and if the election hadn't been of such importance I do not think I would've been able to wait as long as I did to fuck M. He was so hard when I put my hand on him, I couldn't wait to have him. It's a bit of a blur, by the time I was naked with him I was on fire to fuck. I rode him and he filled me so deeply it took my breathe away. He fucked my ass on my back and choked me, filling me with his cum. Christ, I love that...

I love the intensity of his face when he's fucking me. The fierceness is intimidating, and it makes me feel soft and so very female. His dark eyes focus on me filled with desire. Watching his face contort as he orgasms gives me a feeling I can't adequately describe. It makes me feel powerful and subdued at the same time. And I love cradling him in my arms as he comes out of the daze of pleasure. The weight of his body comforts me, and I think that's when I feel closest to him.

He woke up early to go to work this morning, and I was groggy from sleep as he dressed. He kissed me, and I curled around him as he put his shoes on. He took my face in his hands and kissed me over and over, and I asked if I would see him Friday. He said yes, and I received more kisses before he walked to the door. I blew him a kiss as he closed the door, and snuggled back into my still warm bed smiling and dreaming of having him back in my arms.

Monday, November 3, 2008


Dan Savage and his readers often use the abbreviation GGG. In his March 1, 2007 column, Savage summarized: "GGG stands for 'good, giving, and game,' which is what we should all strive to be for our sex partners. Think 'good in bed,' 'giving equal time and equal pleasure,' and 'game for anything—within reason.'"
-From the Wikipedia page on "Savage Love"

I think it goes without saying that I'm GGG, and I think you can all infer that M is very GGG, also. Sex is an important part of any relationship that involves it, for me anyway. I can't stay with someone with whom I'm having bad sex. That is not an issue with M, it's "amazing", to quote him, and I agree wholeheartedly. In fact, for me, it's only getting better.

This attribute, being GGG, has the effect of making me a secret keeper. I don't really have secrets personally, not many anyway, and I can't think of any I have about my sexual proclivities. Other people tell me their secrets all the time. I can't tell you how many people have told me something they "never told anyone" or that "no one else knows". People feel like they can tell me things because I won't judge, even if it's pretty bad, and that I will not tell anyone else, even if I get angry with them.

Even though I'm GGG, I still find it hard to ask for things during sex. For some reason it's difficult for me to say "Please grab my breast hard," or "Put your fingers inside of me." I can usually get a "Harder!" or a "Deeper!" out, but that's about the most I can do comfortably. I don't know that it's my submissive nature that makes me not want to give direction, or if it's an uncharacteristic sexual shyness. Either way, it's an obstacle.

M sometimes asks me how I want him to fuck me. It makes me so nervous when he says that. I already have a difficult time verbalizing what I want, but to be asked so directly gets me thinking that I might give the wrong answer. If I said that to M, he would say that there was no wrong answer. That he wants to please me, and that he wants to get better and better, and that he gets off on getting me off. See? GGG. I lucked out this last visit because when he asked, and I couldn't bring myself to answer, he ended up doing precisely what I wanted, but was unable to ask for.

M was taking me from behind, and I remembered what he said about wanting me to finger my ass for him. I hadn't done it yet, and he didn't want to have to tell me to do it. So, I wet 2 fingers on my right hand and reached behind. I slid my hand between us and slowly entered my ass with 1, then 2, fingers. I could sense his ardor increase as he realized what I had done, and he pounded me harder.

I could feel his cock sliding in and out of my cunt thru the flesh separating him from my ass. I pressed down on the shaft of his cock, trying to emphasize that my fingers were inside of myself at the same time he was. I noticed how smooth the inside of my ass was, no ridges or nooks like the inside of my cunt. I loved feeling him moving inside of me with my fingertips. The novelty of that sensation hasn't worn off.

After a while he removed my hand, replaced it with his cock, and began to fuck my ass. For a few minutes we did it doggie style, but eventually he slid out to flip me onto my back. I had said to him earlier in the week that I thought he should fuck my ass with me on my back more, since I have difficulty having him thrusting deeply in that position. I don't know if he was remembering me suggesting it, his reply at the time was that we'd have to work on it, and no time like the present.

M had me hold my legs up and out of the way for him as he re-entered my ass. He leaned forward and kissed me, sliding in and out until he was all the way in. When he sat back and continued, fucking me harder, I spread my legs wider to get as much as I could. That's when he filled my cunt with a finger too, fulfilling my unspoken desire.

M has large hands, and with his cock in my ass, 1 finger was enough to fill me up. It drove me crazy to be doubly penetrated. I stole a glance down, and the visual of him piercing both of my holes simultaneously made me clamp down on both his cock and finger. I reached down to play with my clit, something I rarely do without direct instruction. I hoped it would increase his passion and send me into sensation overload. I wanted everything all at once.

I tensed, and squeezed, and felt my cunt convulsing. My clit burned and I could hardly breathed as I came. I begged him to fuck me deeper as I removed my hands from my clit. He emptied my cunt of his fingers and leaned forward a bit on his hands, hovering just above me. His eyebrows were knit together, and I could tell he was close to orgasm. He was moving faster and deeper inside of me, abandoning the caution he usually takes when he's in my ass.

"Choke me," I breathed, hoping it was loud enough for him to hear. And instantly his hand clamped my throat. He was already on the verge of cumming, and when he squeezed my throat, and with me holding his gaze, he came as hard as I've ever seen him.

He thrust 3 or 4 more times as far in as he could go, and I could feel his cock spasming in me as he collapsed on top of my chest. I brought my hands up around him, one cradling his head to my chest, the other wrapped around his back. His cock, still buried inside of me, continued to twitch, and it took longer than usual for his moans to cease. I held him as his breathing slowly returned to normal, and it was a while before he could speak.

I think we went beyond our normal spectacular sex, as it seemed to take longer for us to recover than usual. For once, I can't really remember what we said to each other. I'm sure it was complimentary to each other, mixed with pleased astonishment. I didn't tell him that I had wanted him to enter my cunt while he was in my ass, but if he couldn't have deduced my enjoyment of it then, he'll know now how much I craved it and love that he's done it.

And so it goes when two GGG's get together. It's a comfort to know that I won't get a quizzical look when I can express my desires. And I won't hear a freaked out voice if I decide to stick 2 fingers in my ass unexpectedly. It is a relief to know that my kinks increase his desire, and curiosity, for adventurous sex. I can only hope that we can continue to expand the breadth of our experiences together, in all ways.

Sunday, November 2, 2008

Don't Speak

"Tell me something I don't know," I say. It's a sort of game we'd been playing this visit. I started it, and then he'd ask me. I've been popping it out whenever there's a lull in our conversation. Sometimes it's a goofy answer, sometimes it's something pertinent.

"Hmmmmm. I was chatting online with my ex-girlfriend, the German one, I guess a couple of months ago now. We don't talk much, just when there's a reason to usually. Anyway, she said she would still fuck me, and I said ' Yeah, I don't think that would be a really good idea.' And then she said, 'O! We wouldn't have to talk to each other afterwards.'"

And we both chuckled knowingly.

"But, I already have a person that I sometimes hook up with."

And I knew this; that there was a fuck buddy. I knew there was someone in the ether, a person who gave him pleasure. I knew there was someone other than me. I think I can recall him saying I was better, that fucking me was better.

"When was the last time you fucked?"

And I level my eyes on him. I do not shirk. Courage is what you have in the face of fear, not instead of fear. And, yes, my body hummed with tension. And, yes, my heart raced. And, yes, my mouth was dry. And I think to myself, "Please say 3 months ago. Even better, say 4 months. I can live with 2 months, 2 months would be ok."

"Ummmm, about 2 weeks, a week and a half ago?"

Drop. Sink. Cold. And I feel empty and swollen at the same time. I become consumed with envy and self-loathing. Envy for a nameless, faceless person. Self-loathing because I'm not good enough.

I don't say anything, but he sees it. My face is a stone mask, but he sees the change. He feels the shift. I feel exposed, and I turn my head away. He makes some chit chat about my sneakers, and I'm not terribly responsive. I say I'm ready to leave the restaurant. I wrap my arms around myself, and he reaches out to stroke my side as we walk to the car.

He's uncomfortable, and I feel sorry for him. It's not fair to subject him to my disappointment. He doesn't deserve for me to be upset just for being honest. I asked, after all, and I'm thankful he told me the truth. I don't want to delude myself into thinking that he feels things for me he doesn't.

We drive away, and he continues chatting. I try to participate, but I'm doing a really shitty job of it. I laugh half-heartedly when I'm supposed to, offer directions when he needs to make a turn, answer his direct questions, and stare out of the window. My mind is somewhere else, but I can feel him run his fingers along the side of my leg. And when he places his hand on the top of my thigh, his fingers curling over the curve, the warmth of his palm makes my heart ache.

When we get to my apartment, he tells me he had a good time, and smiles at me. I smile back, and say I had a good time, too. And I mean it, I always have a spectacular time with him.

"See ya," I chirp, insincerely cheerful. With a close lipped smile I turn away, and step out of the car.

"Hey," I hear from the car before I close the door.

"What?" I ask turning back, hand on the door.

"Can I have a kiss?" M asks quietly. So quietly I can't recall if he's said "May I?" or "Please?", but I know he's asked me to kiss him goodbye.

I duck my head back into the car, and I lean in with my eyes closed. I don't look, I just present my face. And I'm thinking, "I'm so ugly, why does he want to kiss me?" I want this kiss more than anything. I war with myself about if it's what I should do, but I know for sure it's what I want.

He brings his perfect mouth to my lips. And he kisses me softly, maybe hesitantly. His tongue slips between his beautiful lips, and runs along the crease of my mouth. I part my lips slowly, and I try to let it reassure me. I try to let his kiss tell me he wants me, let it tell me that he doesn't want me to go away. I feel his hand come up to my throat, and he places it there firmly without squeezing. I stop myself before the sigh escapes.

I don't remember how the kiss ended, I know I didn't want it to, but that it had to at some point. As I again turned away to leave, I let his "Talk to you later," go unanswered before I closed the door and walked away.

I didn't say anything, because I didn't know what to say. I still don't know what to say, or think for that matter. Except, today was the first time I had to correct someone when they referred to M as my boyfriend.