Thursday, July 10, 2008

I Try

Daddy has been unbelievably busy as of late. He's amassing a vast empire in his field, and it's requiring alot of his attention. He's making large strides, and as much as i miss him, i'm really happy to see his ambitions coming to fruition. It's awesome in its most literal meaning.

That's not to say that i didn't feel the strain of his absence. It's been difficult to deal with the coldness and reserve that is Daddy's natural personality which only becomes more austere when read in infrequent text messages, i.m. chats, and the even rarer email. This can be particularly difficult when it isn't tempered with visits that reassure me that he does want me, like me, occasionally spares a thought for me, and doesn't just want to be rid of me. my natural insecurities made me think all sorts of dire scenarios.

And, at the same time, i knew he was busy. Very, very busy. And i kept my growing concerns to myself, and attempted to distract myself. i hung out with Ry a coupla times, worked alot, and developed a new craft project for myself. Still, i was miserable.

i am loathe to bother Daddy with every little apprehension that enters into my head. i am acutely aware of even the most permissive of situations. More often than not, any anxiety on my part dissipates when i spend a bit of time with him. Daddy makes it allllll

But i was hesitating to talk to him about this. He's not particularly fond of confrontation, and i didn't want him to think i wasn't understanding the pressure and immediacy all of his projects require. i didn't want to sound whiny or naggy. Daddy would react to that by shutting down, and it wouldn't be a proper representation of what i was going through anyway. Knowing how to talk to Daddy may be one of my most useful skills.

There were some false starts, a bit of misunderstanding, then some clarification, some reminding of "understandings", and then resolution. Yeah! Viva la Resolution! lol

Daddy said he would keep in mind that while i completely understand about his time constraints, and that i feel that i.m.-ing and texts are certainly a viable, albeit limited, substitute for actual visits, i would feel infinitely better about being apart so much if he remembered to treat me sweetly. i had been missing the "princess"s and the "wink" and "smile" emoticons. i know it may sound trivial, but i needed him to say i was good. i needed some validation.

And what a difference in my outlook when he finally told me he thought that i was being very good. That i was being a patient girl, and that was what he needed right now. That he still wanted to play with me, tho there really wouldn't be time for that for a while. D/s requires time, and time is at a premium for Daddy, and i'm willing to forgo the hardcore D/s "scening".

i commented on how "easy" i am, and Daddy agreed. There are few subbies who would be happy with as little attention as i'm paid. And i am happy. Especially when the attention i do receive is praise and appreciation for my patience and "good"-ness. And with the possibility of seeing Daddy in the near future, there may even be some hot material to report... ;)

Fingers crossed! :)


Anonymous said...

you ARE good! what a mature and dedicated submissive... you are so right that it is hard to be patient and go without validation and attention. it sounds like you're striking the perfect balance with patience and communication. seriously, great job!!!

lil pig said...

Patience..or my lack of it..something i struggle and understand.

you will be fine, patience is rewarded.


Sweet Tooth said...

yes, i know it is hard not to be insatiable when something is so good (ahem) but calm down and keep being good. you know it'll make it so much MORE worth it.