Thursday, May 22, 2008

Talk Dirty To Me

i took a big leap the other night. i read a piece of erotica i wrote in front of a bar full of people at the inaugural Erotic Literary Salon. It was a wonderful time, and a nice sized crowd, especially when you consider it was the debut and on a Tuesday!

i wasn't sure i was going to actually read at the salon, or that i would read something i wrote. People were invited to read either their own work or another author's. i vacillated between going or not going for days, and changed my mind on Tuesday at least 3 times. i had contacted some writer friends to go with me, but until Tuesday afternoon i hadn't heard back from them. When my friend D called to tell me he had written something that day for the salon, i made my final decision to attend.

i spent some time chatting online with
Ry that day. Ry was encouraging me to blow off the salon because he wanted me to visit with him that night. Daddy had been kind enough to pick out a story for me to read, per my request, and Ry asked me to email him what i intended to read. Ry didn't think the story was very good, i believe the phrase "Penthouse letter" was used to describe it. i wrote it for Daddy in one of the earliest posts on the private blog, and i admit it's not the greatest thing ever written, but i was truly hurt by his "critique".

i really wanted to read the story Daddy had picked out, and i thought that if i did a little re-wording i might be able to improve it a bit before showtime. i began writing it out (i really need to get some ink for my printer), and i realized it was pretty long. i was definitely going to attend the salon, but i hadn't decided whether to read or not, and i didn't want to invest in a story that took alot of time to recite. i decided to copy down a shorter piece, more of a "scene" than a complete story. i also copied out a little 4 line poem i wrote a long, long time ago.

These are the original works i read:

I want hot cinnamon kisses
Sprinkled down my back
Some sweet pepper smack
And a handprint on my ass

i'm playing with my pussy on my father's bed. i have found his porn and toy stash, and i have been cumming for the last hour. The magazines are spread around me and there is a video playing soundlessly on the TV. The hard, red plastic vibrator has been in my cunt and, slowly, inserted into my ass, with no real effect. It was quickly discarded. my fingers are pressed to my soaking wet clit, my ass moving up and down, grinding another orgasm out of my exhausted body. i am sweating, the heat of my body radiating from me, steaming the sheets and pillows. my eyes are squeezed shut, my brow is furrowed, i am about to go over the edge yet again.

i want my father to find me like this. Cumming on his bed. Panting and flushed after imagining him fucking me. i want him to become aroused at the sight of my thighs slick with my own fuck. my cramped glistening fingers curled up on the pillow beside my head. i want him to see between my legs, my still pulsing clit, shuddering under his gaze. i want him to touch me there. He'll wet himself with the juices of my cunt, and straddle me. He will press his cock against my breastbone and gather my tits together. He will fuck me that way, the head of his cock popping into my mouth with every thrust. And when he cums it will be in my hair, splashed across my tits, pooling in the hollow of my throat.

i will be used. i will be desirable. i will arouse. i will be wanted.

i also chose 2 books to read excerpts from; Beauty's Punishment and Topping from Below. The bit from Topping was a description of the main character fucking a dog, and the bit from Beauty was Soldier's Night at the Inn which is a gangbang scene. i chose them for their shock value, and because i wanted to establish right away that there would be no "taboo" topics at the salon. i wanted to establish a precedent for raunchy, filthy extremes, because that's what turns me on, and that's what i write.

When i got to the lounge where the reading was being held, i was asked to sign up to read out loud. There were two bags, one for reading original works and one for reading someone else's. On a slip of paper you were to write your name, the title of the piece, and whether it was "edgy" or "romantic". For all of my submissions (lol) i wrote "edgy" and underlined it with exclamation points. At least they couldn't say they weren't warned...

D arrived a few minutes after me, and we had a cigarette and caught up with each other's lives. The organizer of the event gave a little introductory speech, and introduced a 90-something year old woman who read a short piece she had written. It was very, very cool. She wrote about how she spotted this old guy at her retirement community pool, and their subsequent sex. After she was done reading she gave us the additional information that the sex she had described took place on their first date! Kick ass lady!

Then she started pulling names out of the hat...and guess who's name was chosen first. Yup, me, the big scardey cat who didn't even know if she'd read. And it was from the original works bag, too. i started shaking the minute i heard my name. my heart was racing, and my palms were wet. i'm sure i was flushed from head to toe. i was offered the chance to not go first, but i said i'd do it. i felt lucky and honored, and if i was gonna do it, i was gonna do it, and the only way to do something like that is to just jump into the deep end.

i put the mic on the mic stand with a joke about needing "both hands free", which got a laugh, thank god. The paper was shaking in my hands, and i hoped the audience wasn't noticing. i opened up with the "hot cinnamon kisses" bit, and everyone clapped politely.

Since we had a 5 minute limit, and i was up there already, i read the "father's bed" piece, too. After the first line there was a bit of a murmur, and then absolute silence. i didn't even hear people drinking, no one moved. i read calmly, but with inflection and conviction. i didn't want anyone to think i was ashamed of what i was reading, or that i was in a rush to get through it.

And when i was done, they cheered. i couldn't believe it. They liked it! i mean really liked it. Not polite clapping with accompanying murmurs of snide remarks, but actually enjoyed what i had written. i smiled and giggled back to my seat, and grabbed D's hand to calm myself. i was still shaking, giddy and full of adrenaline when the next person went up. i could barely calm down enough to pay attention to what she was saying.

Eventually i chilled out a bit, and i was able to enjoy the other readers. There was a good combination of original and published works. Another girl read from her own stuff, but i didn't find it very titillating. It was too flowery and obscure for me. i couldn't understand what it was she was describing. Maybe i'm too literal minded for all that. D read his pieces, too, and they were awesome. i knew they would be, tho. He's a really good writer, and he's great at incorporating humor into his pieces without detracting from the sexiness.

Halfway thru there was a break, and all of a sudden D and i were surrounded by people! They were telling us how good they thought our stuff was, and we were asked for our email addresses to join groups. One of the women helping the organizer thanked me for going first, and told me how great she thought i did. i was just shocked, completely shocked. All these people vying for our attention, and telling us how wonderful we were, it was damn heady. i was so flattered, and i got giddy all over again. i am so not poised! lol

D told me how impressed he was with what i had written. He knows how i struggle with writing and that i don't think its particularly good. He says i need to get over my insecurities, and that he wasn't exactly shocked by how good my writing was, but that he was surprised by how well i've progressed since he last heard any of my writing. And believe me, if it was crap he'd say so. lol

After the break there were a few more readers, chosen at random, and then the last name was drawn from the published author bag. Yup, me again. i bookended the event! i read the dog fucking excerpt from Topping first. It opens benignly enough, but the fourth line is "Having sex with the dog was different than i thought it would be," and there were a few gasps and a second of murmuring. But i didn't pause. i kept on reading completely unashamed, and they were absolutely silent again. i had them in the palm of my hand, they were motionless the entire piece. And they loved it, just absolutely loved me going there.

Next i read the chapter from Beauty entitled Soldiers Night at the Inn. It took me a second to find the part i wanted to begin with, the good parts. ;) i read this piece a bit more light heartedly, it sort of lends itself to that. i wanted to give everyone a bit of a respite after the intense taboo of the the dog fucking account i had just read. It was a hit, but can you really go wrong with the Sleeping Beauty Chronicles? ;)

After i read the salon was over, and everyone swarmed D and me again. This time the organizer came over and introduced herself. She was so happy with me. She said that she was so pleased i had read such extreme material, that she had hoped someone would have the courage to do that, and that she had intended for the salon to be a place where people could read things like that. She spoke with D and i for quite a while, and made sure that we would come back for the next salon. D and i have decided to make it a regular monthly date for us, and i look forward to reading even more outrageous writings.

Everyone was very respectful to the readers, but i have to say, when i got up there you could hear a pin drop. Now, since i was first, i could understand that, but by the time i read the published works i felt like they were trusting me to give them something good, something worthwhile. i can't tell you how thrilling and validating that was. i had forgotten what a rush performing is, and to have my own writing so well received was unexpected.

i wished Daddy had been there to see it. i have Him to thank for being the inspiration for my erotic writings. i had written things for boyfriends before, but they never commented about what i had written. my Daddy has always been very encouraging of my writing in general, and very complimentary of my erotica in particular. i know it was me getting all the praise and adulation, but it wouldn't have happened if it wasn't for Daddy. i would've loved for Him to see how well received what i had written for Him was. i never considered reading these things out loud and in public, tho i have posted some of them here.

i would also like to thank you guys for all the encouragement and appreciation you have expressed for my original erotic works. i would also like to particularly thank lg, who was probably the first reader to express an interest in my writing, and a desire to hear more. Thank you all, i can't tell you how much your comments encouraged me to be able to participate in the salon.



sub lyn said...

Congratulations! Glad to hear it went so well!

Anonymous said...

Omg how brave of you! If I was in the audience I would be hoping that someone would have the guts to read something so taboo but I'd never be the one to do it. I might hint at stuff but what you way lol. You go girl! Sigh. I bet that your Daddy is incredibly proud of you.

Again, I love what you've written, including your cinnamon kisses poem.

Sweet Tooth said...




littlegirl said...

hey laani,

meg told me that you'd mentioned me awhile back. sorry i've been mia. thanks for the shout out, and i'm glad i helped you to believe in yourself. your writing continues to arouse and interest me :)