The other night when M and I were together, he said something in the few seconds between me getting completely naked and him entering me, that surprised me. It didn't seem to fit into the the theme of the post I was writing, so I left it out. As most bloggers will no doubt admit, some things are omitted in the interest of continuity. But what M said got me thinking, and I thought it might be worth an entire post. Also, I'm going to try to see if I can do a post a day this week since I'm already on a roll. We'll see....
When M and I were freshly naked in the moonlight, right after I kissed him, with his cock in his hand, he looked me up and down as I leaned back on my hands. It was dark in his room, but his bed is alongside a window and the moon shone thru lighting our features in relief. I was more fully lit than he was, and my face, breasts, stomach, and legs glowed pale blue. My nipples were erect and my legs were relaxed in a figure 4 shape, slightly parted. In those few moments of him looking across and along my body, reaching out to my breast and pressing me down onto my back, we had the following exchange.
"Sometimes I want to use you as 'target practice'."
"Use you to jerk off to."
"But you have all those pictures of me, every shoot I've ever done."
"Yeah, but it would be hotter to with you right in front of me."
"Well then, why don't you?"
"Because I always end up wanting to fuck you."
And that's when he entered me. And fucked me, as I said, twice.
And it got me thinking about being used like that. As a living piece of porn. In my various incarnations as a sex worker who doesn't fuck her clients, I've had many instances of being jerked off to, but I can't recall any times where a lover has done this. Maybe it seemed a wasted opportunity? Or maybe I've attempted it, but either one of us became overcome with the desire to fuck rather than taking the jacking/jilling off to completion?
I'm really not sure. I seem to recall writing about something along the lines of an extreme mummification along the lines of the play that Deity does, but I think it was in the private blog I used to keep for just "Daddy" and I. And I don't think that's what M meant when he said he wanted to use me as "target practice" anyway. I think M would prefer to have my body completely visible and completely articulated when he jerked off to me. And I'm fine with that, tho being bound and used like this would be super fucking hot.
Even tho I find it extremely flattering, and it does wonders for my ego to turn my boy on just from him looking at me, I don't know that I could withstand that type of scrutiny. I can imagine how red my face would be to have to endure the position changes, the exposure, the intense focused attention that it would involve. I'm certain I wouldn't be able to make, nevermind maintain, eye contact with him.
And I can also imagine that that is precisely why I want it.
Even the denial of intercourse is turning me on, at least in my head. Heh heh I'm more of an "instant gratification" kind of gal, so I'd probably find it so frustrating to be objectified and then not pounded. Still, my mind fill with images of just being used for my appearance, and maybe my mouth, too. I'm not so sure M would be able to resist fucking me; he empathizes with my arousal to the point that he ends up fucking me more often than not when I go down on him. It would take none too little restraint on his part to keep from satisfying me, especially considering how much pleasure he derives from making me orgasm, ejaculation or regular.
Still, if M was using me as his fuck doll, having me pose for him, spread for him, bound me open, or wanted to use my mouth to bring himself to orgasm, I'd be an enthusiastic little fuck doll for sure. I do feel satisfaction in satisfying M, and I love to play new games with him. As frustrating as it would be for me to be denied the filling of my cunt, and for as embarrassing I find inspection to be, I would love every minute of it.