>: X

i came to the realization today that i'm a shite communicator. That's a bit of a revelation to me.


i once said to Daddy that i'm always finding myself at odds with the impression people have of me. i have had people i thought knew me fairly well, give me a view of myself back to me that was completely antithetical to who i am. It shocked me.


Daddy says this happens to everyone.

i'm not nearly as open as i think i am. i keep secrets even when the secrets aren't that bad. i keep my feelings secret, i opinions secret (that one will come as a surprise to my close friends...lol), i say "no" when i mean "yes", and i don't often reveal my true motivations.

As you can imagine this leads to alot of confusion and misinterpretation.

Daddy and i don't fight exactly. Daddy's the boss. What Daddy says goes. What W/we have are "incidents" of miscommunication.

i have a tendency to forget that text messages don't convey the nuances of body language and intonation. And recently it lead to an "incident" when i was feeling pouty and sulky. It's since been cleared up, but these "incidents" always leave me shaken and unsure of my position.

Add to this the holiday bullshit, the constant money worries, Daddy being sick for the last 3 weeks, and me losing my job on Wednesday, i'm feeling really bloody low. Low, low, low.

Half a step forward, 8 steps back...