Delectatio Morosa

Daddy took me to see Sweeney Todd.

There are plenty of storylines to explore within the movie, but the central, and most compelling relationship is between Sweeney Todd and Mrs. Lovett. my interest is in this character, this Mrs. Lovett...

Mrs. Lovett has been harboring an unrequited attraction for the married barber that once lived above her.

i see her whole life. Her family is rotting away in some debtor's prison. She was probably a servant of some sort in the tavern. Her husband,and owner of the tavern, Albert, was no doubt married at the time of her hiring, but his wife soon succumbed to some Victorian disease ...consumption or diphtheria...and then he married the most capable and available female in his sight...then promptly dies.

So, there she is. Alone. A handsome couple living upstairs from her with a new baby, completely in love. And she's in her tiny rooms, off of the store, aching for a taste of what she knows is possible between two people who have passion, affection, and attraction for each other.

Her longing turns to bitterness. Mrs. Lovett has a lingering sympathy for the young woman upstairs. After all, the young bride's never been anything but sweet and friendly to the landlady that occupies the rooms beneath. But Mrs. Lovett grows to resent that kindness...maybe she's sick of the pitiful whining of the forlorn young woman.

Hasn't the unfortunate Mrs. Lovett had her own share of hardships? Is the pale little princess upstairs the only person in the world to ever fall on hard times? Are we all supposed to lock ourselves away in a tower to pout and sulk our days away when the universe deals us a bad hand?

i imagine Mrs. Lovett trying to talk some sense into that lazy, heartsick girl...

Maybe Mrs. Lovett finds herself just wishing that prison widow would just go away, and take that squalling baby with her. Maybe that blonde bitch had more happiness in the few months she was with her husband than Mrs. Lovett could ever hope to have...

This young woman confides in Mrs. Lovett. She's been taken advantage of. She doesn't know where to turn. What if she's brought her bad fortune on herself? What if she's been made undeserving of her husband, her child, her life? Maybe this naive young woman gets herself into a bit of trouble. What if she's been compromised in a way she can't easily hide or recover from?

Women know the solutions to such problems. So, maybe, Mrs. Lovett drops the name of an apothecary who could help. Possibly he's experienced with these types of troubles.

Poor thing, poor thing. Just awful what happened. Poor thing. Took arsenic, she did. The room is haunted, they say. And the child? Well, taken away. Ward now to a wealthy but evil man. Well, just the saddest story you ever heard , isn't it? Just the saddest story...

And then the barber returns. And the most precious objects he owned, the tools of his trade, his "friends", are what Mrs. Lovett presents to him. She's kept them hidden away and safe. She's preserved them for her own reasons...to lie in wait for their owner, her own sentimental hopes, their trade in value if she hits on desperate times...

Mrs. Lovett is a pragmatist. A romantic. An entrepreneur. An enabler. A caregiver. She has a dream, a dream she wants to share...

The tears she sheds, when she finally sheds them, are not for herself alone. She weeps for a boy. She weeps for what has been destroyed; for a veil that's been torn away.

There will be no turning back, and she knows it.

Material Girl

Someone recently called me materialistic. This person expressed surprise at my seeming materialism, and that he'd never thought i was like that. This person thinks that the reason i'm with Daddy is because Daddy "takes you places and gives you things".And he's right, really. That is why i like Daddy, it's just not in the way my friend meant it.



Daddy has taken me on a trip to Montreal, and He has plans to bring me along on more trips since He frequently travels. And when He travels, He nearly always brings me back something from His trips. He recently gave me a very extravagant gift for absolutely no reason at all. He even specifically indicated that it was "not your Xmas present".

i love the presents Daddy gives me. Each one is a reminder that i am thought of while He is away. And from the beginning He has known the type of little trinkets i would like. But none of the things He gives me mean as much as the time He spends with me. His time is more rare and precious to Him than any object He can purchase.

Daddy knows i am not materialistic. He knows i appreciate the presents, but do not need them. He's around materialistic people during His work, and He hates the kind of vapid talk that passes for conversation in those circles. He has told me that He likes how i take Him "out of all this".

What Daddy gives me cannot be bought in a store. Where Daddy takes me is into and out of myself.

Your Wish is my Command...

Holy crap! i have a fan!



i have never been very impressed by my own writing. In fact i think it's rather pedestrian. i have friends who write much better. i prefer to read or draw, rather than write. But Daddy has always encouraged me to write, and He's enthusiastically spurred me on to write more. And, now, a request! Someone wants to see more? Well, okay... Here goes...and remember, it's ageplay, people...

laani's sitting in the first seat in a row of uncomfortable wooden chairs outside of Father Michael's office. She's in trouble, but she's not too worried. Father's known for being really lenient when any of the girls are sent to his office for disciplinary action. All the girls think Father Michael is cute, his nickname is Father What-a-waste. The worst punishment he gives out is detention, and you have to get caught smoking or doing something really bad to get that.

The door to the office opens and Sister Antonia Marie steps into the hall and waves at laani to walk in. laani enters and closes the door. Father Michael's office is lined from floor to ceiling with books and he's sitting at a large, heavy desk made of dark wood. There are 2 high backed velvet chairs placed in front of his desk, and laani plops down into one. Father Michael looks at her over steepled hands, his index fingers resting on his lips.

"laani, Sister tells me you refuse to take a shower after gym class with all the other girls. That's not very hygienic, laani. Why is it you're not complying with the rules?" he questions.

"Uh, it's personal, Father," she answers, twisting uncomfortably in the chair.

"You're a young woman now, aren't you?"

"Yes, Father."

"You're growing up."

"Yes, Father," laani replies, feeling more and more anxious.

"And you're embarrassed."

"Yes, Father, I am. I have so much hair down there now," she blurts out, "I don't want the other girls to see. It's so embarrassing!"

"I'm sure you're over-reacting."

"No, Father, it's so gross. Please don't make me shower with the other girls," laani pleads.

"Well......."

"Please, Father," she begs, biting her lip.

"Come around to this side of my desk, honey," Father Michael says benignly.

laani walks around the desk and stands in front of Father Michael. Her hands are clasped behind her back. She stares at her feet confident Father is going to give her a quick lecture about the importance of following the rules and respecting authority, then letting her go with a warning.

"Show me your pussy hair."

laani's head snaps up. She can't believe she just heard a priest say "pussy", and she can not believe Father Michael just told her to show him hers.

"What?!" she asks, dumbfounded.

"Show me your pussy hair," he repeats, slowly enunciating every word, "Up here, on the desk."

laani doesn't want to disobey Father, but she's never let anyone see her "down there" before.

"Now," he says, patting a clear space on his desk.

She sits on the desk and wriggles her panties down to the tops of her knee socks. She keeps her thighs pressed tightly together.

"Lift up your dress so I can see."

laani obeys, turning bright red. Father Michael hooks his finger into her panties and tugs them over her ankles and drops them on the floor at his feet. He places a hand on each knee and parts laani's legs, exposing her pussy to his inspection.

"Yes," Father Michael agrees," you are very hairy down here."

laani's embarrassment overwhelms her and she tries to bring her legs back together, but Father pushes them back open wider this time.

"Don't do that again."

laani focuses on the white cotton of her panties on the floor, avoiding watching Father opening her lips to view the insides of her cunt. He strokes her inner lips with his fingers, spreading her. He tugs at her hair, smooths it down again, and gives her clit a little tweak.

"Okay, laani," he announces, popping his head up," I want you to get down, turn around, bend over and place your elbows on the desk. I'm going to spank you. You really can't be disrespectful to the Sisters."

laani presents her bottom to Father, and he raises her dress up out of the way. The first spank isn't that bad, barely stings at all in fact. That doesn't last tho. Father builds up to harder and harder blows. The cracks on her ass become louder and begin to sting. Her ass feels like it's burning, her cheeks turn brilliant red. The last spank is a wet smack right under her ass.

Father Michael pulls his hand away and looks down at his fingers. They are slippery with laani's juices.

"Well, laani," he chuckled, "it looks as though you enjoyed that as much as I did."

She hears a soft rumpling, and then Father is pressing himself to her back. She can feel flesh poking at her crack, and she tries to stand up. He shushes her, and eases her back down, pinning her chest to the desk.

He wedges the head of his cock between her pussy lips, and forces himself up into her. She's so tight he must be careful and ease her open slowly. When she lets out a little gasping squeak, he covers her mouth with his hand.

He grinds against her ass, bracing her hips against the desk. He moves in and out slowly, enjoying the way her cunt grabs at his cock when he pulls back. She starts to push back against him. She moans low in her throat. Father Michael looks down and watches his drenched cock sliding into her split red pussy. He reaches around and slips his hand into her blouse and under her bra. laani's breasts are small, fitting in the palm of his hand. He can feel her heart pounding in her chest. laani begins to moan louder, so Father Michael releases her hip and covers her mouth again with his other hand.

Father drives into her harder. He wants to fill her all the way. She's holding onto the edge of the desk, bouncing to meet his cock when he thrusts forward. She wants all of him ramming her. He lifts her right leg up and places it on the desk, not letting up on his rhythm. He sinks into her a little further, and she groans when he reaches the deepest part of her.

He releases her breast and reaches around to give her throbbing clit some attention. She bucks when he makes contact. She wasn't expecting the electric shock of a firm finger on her lubricated little bud. It pulses at his touch as he rolls over it like a marble.

Father Michael's cock is ready to burst as her wet pussy walls squeeze in on him. He's covered in her wetness. He can smell the scent of her desire, the first blush of carnal pleasure. He drops his head down and sees laani's ass cheeks are still rosy from the spanking. He's going to cum. Now.

laani's pussy is emptied abruptly, and there's the sensation of steaming wet flesh crushed against the base of her spine between her abused cheeks. Then a grunting thrust and her ass is splashed with Father's cum, and he collapses on her back. She can feel the jizz running down the backs of her thighs when he says...

"Don't tell anyone. This is our secret."

Naughty Story from the Pvt Blog

No one else is home and i'm upstairs in my older sister P's room. Since she's gone off to college i've started to sneak in to put on her make-up, listen to her stereo, and try on her clothes. She hates it, but i get to pretend i'm older and play dress up. i've got on this cool top with a Japanese print that slips off one of my shoulders and a white tube skirt. i've just finished putting on some black eyeliner and am about to start with the lip gloss, when i hear someone knocking on the front door.

It's M. He's P's friend, but He's older than her. S, L and i tease P that He likes her, but she says they're just friends. Sometimes He comes over to hang out with us. He's been coming over alot more lately. He's nice to me. He talks to me like i'm a grown up. Last time He came over i showed Him my sketchbook. He says i'm good. He says He'll show me how to get better. i like Him alot.

He raises His eyebrow at my outfit, and i tug the skirt down a little lower to cover my legs a bit more. He asks me if P knows i wear her clothes when she's away. i roll my eyes and say no, and ask Him not to tell her. He says He won't and i tell Him P didn't come home from school this week. M says He was thinking me and the girls might want to go to the mall. i tell Him i'm the only one home, but i have to babysit S and L when they get home. i say that He can come in and hang out, tho.

M smiles and steps into the living room. i lay back on the couch and M sits next to me. He says my skirt is really short and i go to pull it down again, but M stops me. He says He likes it, that it looks sexy on me. That makes me blush, but i'm pleased too. He looks down at my feet and asks to see my toenail polish. It's P's and all glittery. I lift my foot up and swing my other leg onto the couch. M catches both my feet in His hands and starts tickling them. i start giggling and squirming and M is laughing at me struggling to get away. He has my ankle tightly in His hand, and my other tucked under His butt, so i can't get away. i can barely breathe and i'm trying to push His hands away, and as i twist around on the couch my skirt creeps up even more.

i try to shake Him off my ankle and pull my skirt down at the same time, but M tucks my other ankle under His leg and grasps my wrists. Now my legs are spread and my skirt is bunched up around my hips. M is looking down between my thighs. i'm embarrassed, scared, and thrilled all at once. He smiles at me and places my hand on His bulge. It's hard. M presses my hand down firmly and slides it up and down over His cock. He lets go of my other hand and i try to cover myself. M opens His belt and unzips His pants and slips my hand into His underwear. i have never felt a cock before, it seems so big. i want to see it, but i'm too scared to ask.

M keeps His hand over mine in His pants and leans over bringing His mouth close to my ear. i can feel His breathe on my neck. It's warm and sends shivers thru my body. i close my eyes when M brushes His lips on my earlobe. He gives a little nip at my ear and begins to kiss my neck. It makes goosebumps rise up on my arms. M murmurs that i'm pretty, prettier than my sisters. That He comes over to see me. That He's been thinking of kissing me. That He wants to show me things, how to kiss and to suck cock, and how to make myself cum. He whispers that He wants to make me feel good.

He squeezes my fingers around His cock. It feels like silk wrapped around stone. The tip is wet, and M groans when i begin to stroke His cock on my own. He grips my breast. He pinches and plucks my nipple, squeezing and rubbing my breast, then moves down my stomach and cups my pussy.

This brings me back to what is actually happening and i get scared again. i try to bring my legs together, but M puts His hands on the insides of my thighs to keep them open. i put both of my hands on His shoulders attempting to push Him away moaning no, but M comes closer and kisses me on my mouth. He pokes His tongue out and licks my lips. i part my lips and peek my tongue out also, and we lick each others lips letting our tongues slide over each other.

M's fingers dip into my panties and i groan against His mouth, but He doesn't pull away. He rubs my clit and i feel electricity shoot down my legs to the soles of my feet. M whispers that He can make me feel more than this. That He can do things to me that i will really enjoy. That He wants to teach me how to fuck. That He'll go slow, and it won't hurt, that i'll like it. That i'll love it.

He's sliding my panties off of me, still telling me how pretty i am, how much He likes me, how He wants to be inside of me. M's fingers are entering me. He's telling me i feel so wet, i'm so ready, my pussy wants Him. i start to grind my pussy against His hand and then it's gone, replaced by the head of His cock.
M holds my hips in place, and i close my eyes. He begins to fill me. He pushes in a bit, then pulls out. He tells me how good i feel, and pushes into me a little further, then pulls out again, then in until He's sunk all the way inside me. i feel full, and i don't know how to move when M starts to rock my hips against His. He was right, it doesn't hurt. It's fucking amazing.

M begins to thrust quicker and i squeeze the walls of my pussy around His cock. He groans and i wrap my legs around Him. He pulls me down onto His cock while He pounds up into me. i can hear the blood rushing around in my head and my heart pounding in my chest. i'm forgetting to breathe. i can feel my clit swelling and it scrapes against His abdomen. i grind myself against Him aching for more sensation, more cock. i want Him sealed inside of me, buried as far as He can. i can feel Him at the back of my cunt, slamming me, stuffing me, and i'm loving the pain. i dig my fingers into His ass cheeks.

i can feel His cock getting thicker and He's getting louder. i want His mouth to mine again so i lift my head to kiss Him, but i can't press my lips together. i end up just grunting into His mouth, but He doesn't seem to mind. He's looking down at me, His brows knit together. He grits His teeth and a burning tears thru me. my cunt convulses, and He thrusts all the way into me. i can feel His cock jerking and M falls onto my chest, His head on my shoulder.

W/we're both panting, covered in sweat. my pussy feels a little sore. i'm filled with His cum. i will definitely be doing this again.

Nurse laani, at Your service

i'm visiting Daddy right now. i usually don't post during a visit, but Daddy isn't feeling well, so i thought in between nursing duties, i'd make a quick post.

This is the first time Daddy has allowed me to visit while He's been unwell. Before when W/we've had plans, and He's fallen ill, He's cancelled or postponed the visit. This time my job is to "make Me feel better". i'm sure He'd be able to take care of Himself just fine if i wasn't here, but it's nice to be "needed".

i'm reminded of the time Daddy took care of me when i got sick while visiting Him. i had woken up that day feeling a little out of sorts, but not too bad. But by the time i was on the train to Daddy's, i could feel myself getting more and more ill.

At first i thought it was nervousness or anxiety about the punishment i was to receive on my arrival. However, the chills and sweats were so bad by the time i got to Daddy's, He was rethinking even punishing me. He gave me a hug and noticed i was burning up, even tho i was whining about how cold i was. When He took my temperature, the one time the medical room was actually a help to me and not a total freak-out scare-fest, i registered 103 degrees.

i remember how uncomfortable and awkward Daddy seemed nursing me. He seemed so out of His element that i nearly laughed when he brought me soup or tea. i felt so sorry for Him.

He gave me the option to postpone my punishment. i didn't want that tho. i had to have that release in order to move on. i didn't want Daddy to think i was trying to get out of it, even if there was no doubt that i wasn't faking it. As i'm sure any sub will say, if an infraction is committed the kindest thing a Dom can do is to punish you swiftly so the sub can move on.

It was a pretty sever punishment, too. Or maybe it felt that way because i was ill. Either way it was done and over, and the rest of the night was wonderful. W/we watched a movie (The Lover), and i made homemade movie treats, and Daddy held me all night. And He let me sleep all day the next day.

Well, now it's my job to return the favor.

Pardon my Glow

Apparently, i glow. The girls at work know when i've come from seeing Daddy. And they can tell when i'm going to see Him later. my smile is broader, i speak alot faster, and, i've been told, i glow.

i can't help it. i'm happy. Very. If anyone had told me in high school that i would've found happiness in slavery, i would've said "Turn off the pretty hate machine, you've had enough."

Even after the seed had been planted (yeah, i know, Beauty Chronicles) i didn't think in terms of slavery, ownership, or servitude. i liked being spanked, i dug being restrained, and the teeny tiny bit of breatheplay i had experienced was fun. i even played "uncle/niece" with a much older lover once. It was the most forced and unsexy roleplay...ever.

It's so easy with Daddy. It isn't "roleplay" or "ageplay", the way W/we interact could never be drama class exercise (...aaaaaaand scene). It's fluid, but whether i'm a big girl or a little girl, i'm still His girl. i'm still submissive to Him. He's still the boss.

i feel lucky to have found Him. i feel lucky to have someone who doesn't like me in spite of my weirdness, my darkness, or my silliness, but seems to like me because of all that. And when i am bad, when i disappoint Him, make Him angry, displease in anyway, i'm punished, then forgiven. Truly forgiven. Infraction, punishment, forgiveness, and an opportunity to improve, to be better.

What's not to glow about?

Limits? W/we don't need no stinking limits...

i have always been open about my sexual experiences. All my friends could probably give you a pretty accurate description of not only what i like in bed, but also what i'm like in bed. i have no problem talking about my experiences to anyone interested in listening.

During the course of a conversation with one of my co-workers i was asked about bestiality. She wanted to know if people really participated in that activity. i told her about the movie ZOO. And that , yes, people do indeed do this. She then asked me if i would do that if Daddy asked me to.

Hmmmmmm......quandary. Instantly, what pops into my mind is the hard/soft/no limits debate.

i prefer to set no limits with Daddy. i, personally, don't think i should set the limits of O/our interactions. The responsibility of the Dominant is, first and foremost, to be able to read, discern, and interpret their submissive. Not that They're expected to be "mind readers", just that They should learn Their submissives' responses, needs, desires, and capabilities. Daddy knows what i need and what i want....frankly, better than i do.

Daddy and i do have a "safe word". It was established on O/our first day together, but not for the purpose of D/s. W/we shot a vid, and it was Daddy's idea, i believe, to have a word i could call out to end the scene. i used it during the course of the shoot, not because i wanted Him to stop what He was doing, but because i got nervous and was unsure of what was expected of me.

i don't think i have ever used a safe word when Daddy and i have played. i can't say with complete certainty because i'm so cloudy when we play, but i don't recall having used it. If Daddy wanted me to do something while He had me in that space, i would do it. i do things with and for Him that i would never be able to do when not in His presence. i wouldn't be able to do them for anyone else.

Daddy has acknowledged the influence a Dom has over a sub when They have taken a slave/pet/subbie in that space. He recognizes that His power over me at that point is absolute, and He respects that power. He knows i would do anything to please Him, regardless of the shame and embarrassment it would cause me.

So, would i fuck an animal for Daddy? He's teased me about it before. He said maybe He'd get a Great Dane to fuck me. Yes, i got nervous. Yes, Daddy said He was just kidding. But, would i do it for Him? Would i allow a dog to lick my cunt while Daddy watched? Would i put my mouth on an animal's cock for Daddy's amusement? Would i get on all fours and bear the weight of a Great Dane on my back, with its paws scratching at my elbows as it gripped me until it finally twisted around and pumped me full of it's cum? Could i stay in that position with the knot at the base of that dog's cock sealing me shut, ass to tail, performing for Daddy?

You'd have to ask Him.

Either/Or

Daddy says the next time i visit W/we will either have "Art Day" or "Prison Day".

i must admit i cannot decide which "day" i want to have.

Prison Day would consist of me being leashed to the bed, either chained or bound by rope. Personally, i prefer a chain. i think the rattling of the chain anytime i moved would be a very charming sound. And the idea that i would be completely dependent on Daddy to let me pee, drink water, sleep, orgasm, etc. is very erotic. He might beat me or tug me down to His desk to sit by His feet while He worked. Daddy would fuck me or ignore me as He pleased. Maybe He would mummify me, something He's expressed interest in before...

Art Day is just as fulfilling, if in a different way. i imagine others wouldn't find it classically D/s, tho i can't help but picture it in that context. Daddy is a much better artist than i am. Daddy has seen some of my drawings before, but my drawings are not as good as His. i have no idea what His impressions of my stuff are. i think He's much too concerned with hurting my feelings to give me an unbiased critique.

Regardless of which straw i end up choosing, i will have a wonderful time. i know that when i am with Daddy i will have fun no matter what W/we end up doing.

And Daddy Says...

The title of this post is a constant refrain of mine. "Daddy says" or "Daddy thinks" or "Daddy does" is a frequent opening to my conversations. i'm sure it drives people nuts, tho everyone always asks me "How's Daddy?" when they see me.

Anyway, this is my blog, and i can write whatever i want, and i want to preserve some things my Daddy has said to me.

Daddy said...

"i love your body. i love fucking you."

"Behave yourself, and don't pout, laani. you're Daddy's girl."

"you are a little slut, aren't you?"

"you give me the best blowjobs I've ever had."

"you're so wet i can see you dripping and i haven't even done anything to you, yet."

"This is my cunt. Mine."

"If you're depressed then come over, and I'll beat you."

"I miss my little girl."

"I love the power that I have over you.. it's intoxicating."

Everything Daddy says to me is interesting. i have never tuned Him out when He is talking to me. The problem lies in my slipping into subspace. When i am around Daddy i get foggy, and then don't have clear recollections of O/our times. All that needs to happen is for Him to turn His eyes on me, and i'm gone...

Submissive Dream

i've heard it said that people only want to hear about your dreams if they make an appearance in them. Normally i don't bore others with detailed descriptions of my dreams, but i'm going out on a limb here due to the significance i believe it has.

Last night i had my first submissive dream. It was also my first Dominant dream.

i dreamt one of my sisters and i were kidnapped by this group of 5 people. 2 women and 3 guys. None of them were sexy or attractive. They were kind of trashy looking, not in the good way, more like skanky and cheap. It was not arousing at all. i was very frightened, for myself and my sister. i was probably more worried about my sis than i was myself.

At first it wasn't clear why they wanted us. my sister and i told them we didn't have any money for a ransom. But they didn't want that. The leader of the group said they wanted to have us as, well for lack of a better term, sex slaves. Up until this point i had been pretty much paralyzed with fear. The leader had kind of indicated that we'd be let go at some point, but i didn't really believe him.

When he said he wanted to keep us, in essence owning me, i grew some balls. i went right up to him and told him in no uncertain terms that "You can't keep me! You can't own me, i'm already owned! Look at my collar! i already have a Master!" i really went off on this guy. i was all in his face. i really shook him up with the out of nowhere forcefulness of my argument. i was not backing down.

Until i remembered my sister. i had to try to protect her, too. i wasn't going to let the fact that i was owned and wasn't going to submit to this guy to hurt her. But what they wanted sort of changed then. After my outburst they decided they wanted me to Dom them all.

So i did. Everyone watched while each of the gang was Dommed by me. i don't remember what i did with all of them, but i did spank and paddle the girls with a small wood paddle. They all ooohed and aaaahed over my technique.

i remember one of the guys being a sissy adult baby. i dislike dealing with ABs, i wouldn't have anything to with them at the dungeon i worked in. To each his own kink, but, personally, i can't stand them.

Anyway, i spanked the AB (grimacing the whole time), and called him a "little sissy slut" and a "pretty tiny baby" (gag!), and then i fucked his face with a clear, green, silicone dildo. Then he pissed all over himself, his chest and face. Then he came. Ick.

i rarely have "sex dreams", and this dream wasn't arousing at all. i only did what i had to do to protect Daddy's property and my sister's life. But i think it's important because it shows how deeply i'm beginning to feel owned. i'm even dreaming of it.

Daddy is away again right now. He instructed me to wear my collar whenever i wasn't bathing, sleeping, or at work. When i go to bed, i've been taking my collar off, but not putting it aside right away. i'll just look at it, and run my fingers over it. Watching the rhinestones sparkling in the moonlight.

Wishing Daddy was here to put it on and take it off of me.

Punishment

Daddy rarely directs me to post about specific subjects on the private blog, and has never told me what to post on this public blog before now. i think He prefers to see my brain filter what W/we do together, and allows me to make entries based on the way i see O/our interactions effecting me. But Daddy told me to post about my most recent punishment, and to illustrate it with a photo He took.


i am sorry if this post seems cryptic, i am still ashamed of my infraction.


i broke one of His/my rules on Monday night. It's an important rule, and one i've broken before. It's a difficult rule for me to follow sometimes. Daddy has been patient with me about it because He knows i'm trying. i have made improvement where this rule is concerned, but i need to continue to work on it. It is for my own good that i have this rule. It is to my benefit to follow it.


When i broke this rule i made myself unpleasant to Daddy. i made Him wait and by the time i got to His place it was very late at night. Daddy was tired and angry. Daddy can tell right away when i have broken this rule. He can tell immediately by my general demeanor the change that takes place.

W/we went to sleep as soon as i got there, due to the hour of my final arrival. Daddy had planned some fun games foe U/us to play, but i had messed all that up. Daddy told me i would be beaten the next day. i was very upset for having disappointed Him, and was reluctant to lay in His bed. Daddy is reserved normally, but when He is angry with me He is even more so. i didn't want to get into the bed only to have Him ignore me, tho i knew i wasn't deserving of His attention. I sat on the top of the stairs in the fetal position and felt sorry for myself.


Daddy called out to me to come to bed. He said He needed me to warm His bed for Him (i get very very hot when i sleep). i was relieved when He said that. Daddy wouldn't punish me if He was releasing me. Daddy still wanted me. i was still useful as a bed-warmer.


i undressed and turned out the light. i figured Daddy would roll away from me, but He didn't. He spooned me, cuddled a little. Maybe He was just chilly and needed the warmth, but it felt so good to not be ignored. Thank you, Daddy, for touching me, and giving me comfort when i had been bad.


Daddy didn't ignore me in the morning either. He told me He would punish me in a bit. He did some packing and then told me to get the hemp rope and to choose 4 implements from the "toy chest". W/we ended up with a small latex flogger, a crop, a large suede flogger, and a fur/leather paddle.

i was bound to the banister. Daddy also bound my ponytail back so that my face was pointed to the ceiling. No warm up, this was punishment. Daddy used the small latex flogger first. It stung. All over my ass, then down my thighs, calves, and the soles of my feet. Rapid, stinging hits. After that it gets foggy. The paddle was used. Relentlessly. Then the crop. Over and over again. i tried to twist away. Daddy told me to get back into position. After i did, it would begin again.

As painful as the beating was, the humiliation was worse. i was a little piggy. i had made a pig of myself in Daddy's eyes, and if i was gonna act like a little piggy i had to sound like a little piggy. i was in tears. i had to make piggy noises. Daddy was disappointed in me. At the end i counted off 10 very hard licks with the crop, punctuating each swing with the number and "i'm a little piggy when i drink too much."

my pain tolerance has gone down alot. i cried. My face burned. My ass burned. i was broken. Daddy began to untie me. i sniveled and sniffed, but other than that said nothing. Daddy kissed my shoulders. Then He kissed the tears on my eyes. His tenderness made me cry a little more. He went to get a tissue, and He held it for me while i blew my nose. It reminded me of when i was little and my Mom used to do that for me, before i learned to blow my nose myself.

After the rope was unwound, Daddy caressed me from behind. He lifted me up like a child and carried me to the couch, my face nestled into His neck. He held me in His lap and pulled a blanket across U/us. He held me like that, and i cried a bit more. Daddy spoke to me softly. i don't recall exactly what He said. But the gist was that i was His good girl. That He knew i was trying, and that He knew it was hard for me. That i needed to be punished, that it could have been worse. That He knew i hated being a little piggy, that it was humiliating. But that there were more humiliating punishments i could've been put through.

Daddy marked my ass. And He marked my shoulder. i'm not a painslut, but the beating made me wet. He played with me between my thighs, and made His little girl cum. He held me in His arms until i got myself together. He told me to post on the public blog about my punishment. i was forgiven.

Daddy knows i need punishment. Daddy cares enough about me to give it to me. i am thankful it was swift. i am thankful i can still serve. i am so thankful i am owned. my heart still belongs to Daddy.

How Old Are You?

i get asked this question alot. Alot. More within the past year than in previous years.

People are always confused about how old i am. Usually people think i'm in my early to mid-twenties, but i still get carded for cigarettes and alcohol. Daddy says that at times i appear to be 15.

i don't think it's so much about how i look as the way i act. Since meeting Daddy i've been generally much happier. It gives me a sunnier more cheerful attitude. i try to give my co-workers a more positive outlook, and i tend to avoid being dragged into the dramas that surround me. Before i would've probably immersed myself in it, joining in the bitching and moaning. Now, i don't see the point.

So, i'm bubbly and smiling to everyone i work with. i offer to help out, doing the little undesirable chores to make the other girls' days a bit easier. i tell some of them crazy stories about what Daddy and i do. None of the dark stuff, but definitely experiences their vanilla sex lives don't include. And they laugh at the bizarreness of it, but that's ok 'cause sometimes it makes me laugh, too.

i act like a teenager without a care in the world, but when i open my mouth i have memories of vinyl records, life before Mtv (and when Mtv actually played videos!), Reaganomics, no cable, when a neighbor parent would punish you on the spot and then you'd get punished again when your parents found out, when coffee was as off limits for teens as cigarettes were, how cigarettes used to be $1.75, a time before crack, when Time's Square was a filthy hovel and not squeaky clean Disneyland, memories of the Sonny & Cher show, Mr. Hooper, etc.

That's when people look at me and ask "How old are you?" i must admit the look of shock is very gratifying. Even Daddy has to remind Himself sometimes that i'm not in my twenties. But He's excused because i regress so much when i'm with Him, i really might as well be a teenager.

What's really odd is that when i actually was a teenager, people always thought i was so much older than i was. Whether it was because i used "big words" or just didn't act all giddy and flakey, i'm not sure. Maybe the guys would say it just to flatter me, trying to get into my pants. But my parents' friends were always very impressed by my sisters and me, so possibly there's something to it.

Anyway, i'm still not flakey, but i certainly have cheered up. Lord knows i wasn't a "cheery" teenager. i definitely wasn't having the sex i do now. And i didn't have the Daddy i have now.

All in all, it's much better the second time around.

To Shave or Not to Shave

It seems that a few Doms in the blogosphere have been issuing directives to their subs to grow their pubic hair in. i'm not sure why, but it pleases me very much to see this happening.

When Daddy and i met i was very hairy. He was going to use me for a shaving shoot, and had instructed me to keep it that way. (hmmmmm..... His first act of domination and my first submission......) W/we never got around to the pussy shaving shoot, but there were pictures taken of it. Eventually i naired it all off.

i don't shave because i hate razor bumps, so i've never really been one for the completely bald look. It bothered me when everytime you saw a naked girl she was completely hairless. i saw it as the "pornification" of the world. Just another way that men were exerting their general dominance of women. And not in the mutually agreed upon fun BDSM way. i would bristle when clients would say i should be hairless.

For a while Daddy let me do pretty much whatever i wanted down there. i thought the proper thing for a submissive to do would be to be bald, so i kept it smooth. But then He decided He wanted to have me hairy. i couldn't get a clear reason as to why He wanted me hairy again, but i don't need a reason for His instructions, do i? i'm just to do them. :)

i was told to not do any hair removal at all. Not to keep edges sharp, no clipping, no nairing the underneath. Nothing but cleaning.

i got teased at work about my hairiness. i had to adjust clothing choices to conceal it, but i was walking around in lingerie and getting naked in the changing area with the other girls, so it was noticed. i didn't mind, tho. i loved having a new directive from Daddy.

When i became sufficiently hairy Daddy took pictures again. Then He clipped my hairs short, and applied the nair to me. i blushed the whole time.

That was about 2 months ago. Last week Daddy told me to stop nairing again. So, along with all the other subbies out there with burgeoning bush, my patch is coming back.

i wonder if Daddy will want another shoot. And what type of scenario i'll squirm and blush my way through for Him this time.

:D